|Please visit the originator's page here: The Ninja Alex!|
Oh no. What if I don't get published? Like, EVER? I've been writing since I was 7 years old. It's all I know how to do! Why didn't my mom encourage me to take up ASL or Ballet? She knew I loved them! Why didn't I major in Voice instead of English? No one understands that an English degree doesn't mean I want to be a teacher! Why do they make that correlation?! I wanted to Write for Film and Television! I should've stayed at UArts, but I couldn't be away from my sister for ONE YEAR. She only stayed at FSU for one year, and I was left alone in God-awful Tallahassee for 3 semesters! I got to meet Robert Olen Butler, though. That was awesome. I should've stayed one more semester. I would've been in his class, stalking him like a fangirl. And gotten arrested. In Tallahassee. Ugh.
But Temple didn't have a creative writing program at the BA level. I loved Temple, though. I should've looked for a writing group. I bet they had one. I miss Write Club sometimes. FSU had a great program. UArts had a great program. I hated Center City Philly, though. Why can't I make up my mind? I could've made my manuscript into a screenplay SO easily!
But now it's a manuscript, and just when I thought I finished editing it, what am I doing again?? EDITING IT! When will it be finished? I'm clearly not the brightest star in the sky when it comes to my own work! I can edit the Hell out of a friend's stuff, but I can't see the flaws in my own work until I've sent it out with a query I've changed more times than I changed underwear this year, and wow, that one publisher was really enthusiastic about it, but they still turned it down. ACK!
What if it's never published? My mom thinks I took that year off after high school to find myself, and my older sister thought I was playing Final Fantasy for 365 days, and I was, but I was WRITING, too! I wrote, and I wrote, and my laptop crashed, and I started from memory TWICE! That's how strongly I felt about this story 10 years ago. What's up with me now?? Have I split into two separate people? Is a pessimist me trying to bully the dreamer me into reality? I don't like you, pessimist me. Go away.