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I'm Deborah. I'm a writer, currently seeking representation/publication for my YA Fantasy Fractured Princess

I love to play Final Fantasy games and Shattered Pixel Dungeon. I also enjoy the many ins and outs of music (I'm a chorus geek).

Friday, May 8, 2015

Friday Freeday Rant

So, I need to get motivated to DO. That's it. Just do.

There was a time when I would be constantly reading, constantly writing. A part of me is wondering am I supposed to be doing something else? Or am I subconsciously depressed or losing hope? I've been at writing for over 20 years now, and I know I had goals for myself and that sometimes those aren't what meant to be, but yeesh.

And am I scared of rejection on my fantasy novel which I'm 99.999% sure is finally polished enough to throw out there? I mean, I've already put it out there to two of my choices. I'm definitely kind of scared to do contests again. Even though I didn't realize how unfinished my story was when I entered before, I'm not sure I want to enter it again. It's too much on my psyche, and I'm not one who will ever grow that fabled thick skin I keep hearing about.

No one at home asks about my writing anymore. They were really excited about my short story publication, but other than that, nothing. They've all got their own things happening, and I feel like I'm getting left behind. My older sister keeps getting jobs she wants. My little sister was promoted like 8 times in the span of a year. I'm just here floating, bored to death in a part-time job that barely pays the bills, looking for less boring jobs that will pay my bills twice over, but hoping this won't always be my life.

Okay, so maybe I'm consciously depressed and losing hope, which is whack because last year, I was toting and chanting that 2015 was going to be my year. It's not even the middle of the year yet, and I've lost that zeal. I thought this was supposed to happen during the winter seasons. Blah.

Where's Tony Little to scream, "You can do it?!" in my ear?


  1. Oh man, I feel exactly the same way. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or with my writing. So obviously I don't have any good advice. But I'm totally against writing contests at this point.

  2. I think we are all screaming "You can do it!" in your ear...through cyberspace that is. :)

    I can relate to everything you said. No one asks me about my writing either. I also watch my siblings lives progress and feel stuck. But we all have our own journeys. We have to keep telling ourselves that and believe things will change for the better.

  3. Everyone hits that wall. Where the Writing becomes a chore. Or a bully that won't listen to you. Take comfort in the fact that you're in good company. And don't stack up your accomplishments next to another's. You don't need an internal competition on top of the pressure of trying to write. Find the fun. Stop thinking of writing as a "thing you have to do" and try to recall a point when it was something that was done for fun. THAT is where you need to be when you're crafting. Good luck. And keep your chin up.

  4. Writing has got to be one of the most challenging career choices. So many lows and occasional highs:)
    I stopped entering contests a long time ago. Some of the food back is incredibly good. Some makes no sense.
    Good luck with everything.

  5. I second what Sandra said about the most challenging choice. There's so much telling us to give up and it gets so damn hard. It's that moment when you keep fighting and realize - for what? Why? And all your energy just deflates. Yet I think not writing would be worse than writing. Neither is *particularly* amazing all the time but still ;) lesser of the two evils, it feels at times.

    I refuse to talk to my family very much about my writing. There is nothing good that ever comes out of it. I huddle into the online community :)


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