Can I express how utterly and totally distracted I am right now!?
I'm sitting at my desk at work on a day where I actually HAVE work to do, and all I want to do is blog and brainstorm and revamp my blog to accommodate my smaller works. I enjoy this job, and I love how laid back it is (I'm in the Office of Directors, but still, these people are SO chill), but--and they said I was going to be--I'm BORED.
Not bored as in "this is a boring job," but bored as in, "This is NOT my job." I said from jump (from jump I mean, like, when I was 12. Excuse my lingo and grammar right now, too, I'm in my Deborah-rant-zone, and I do run-on sentences when I'm ranting) that writing was going to be my full-time job. People have told me it's a hobby, and I won't be able to get by on just writing, and I know a lot of people have day jobs because writing isn't all that sustaining, but I want to dream bigger than the logical and the typical.
I want to be a bestselling author. I want to write the screenplay when they (whoever they are) ask to adapt my book. I want to sit in the Executive Director's chair and yell "CUT, do it this way! This is the vision!" I want to be at the Editor's side because for the love of GOD LOTR and King Kong were TOO LONG and some scenes from LOTR that didn't make it into the final cut needed to be in the final cut, because I notice when things aren't resolved. Geez, I've heard it said Stephen King pops up in a lot of his movies now because he hated how The Shining was done! I can be there if I say I need to be there!
Breathe. One. Two.
Okay. I'm calmish.
I'm 28 years old. I had dreams of marriage and my second child by now. So now that that's gone to pot, I still remember that when I was 21, I said in 10 years I'd have a book published and some other stuff that I've forgotten (it was 7 years ago after all). This process, the editing, the revisions, the queries, the critiques, is putting me on that goal, so I hope I see it soon.
In the meantime, I'm going to be finding something more MY job to do with my time while that happens. I'm not quitting my job, by any means, but I'm definitely looking at my other options. I'm the least normal person I know (which often sucks), and I want a life that reflects all of who I am.
Nervous breakdown over. It came 2 years too soon, so I'm going to have a great 30th birthday. I claim that now, Jesus.
Back to work.