Friday's Express Yourself

Finally. Friday.

I haven't written a THING in some weeks now. I have some ideas bubbling up in my head, and I'm thinking of going back to pencil and paper to put them down. I haven't been on my laptop as much, and when I am, I'm playing games on it. Shifting how I write has always helped, so maybe it's time to do that.

In other news, it's time for Express Yourself!

This meme was created by Jackie @ Bouquet of Books and Dani @ Entertaining Interests! They give us a series of questions each month, and we get to answer them and learn more about each other.

This week, they ask: If you could switch bodies with someone for 24 hours (like in Freaky Friday), who would you switch with and why?

Well, today's my little sister's birthday, so I might want to get a lot of presents today. lol And maybe be 29 again. Try to get some bucket list items checked off before 30. ;)

Who would you switch bodies with for a day?

IWSG: In Need of A Good Day

Happy Wednesday, and Happy September!

As you may know by now, this is the Insecure Writer's Support Group, created by the awesome ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh. You can visit him and also sign on at the group's very own website, Insecure Writer's Support Group dot com. And a big thank you to the ninjas who are visiting us all, as we are in the HUNDREDS.

I'm writing this the night before so I can get it out and read other people's posts today, and while also hoping Wednesday is a better day than Tuesday. First but not first-first. I didn't make the Pitch Wars list. It's a surreal movie feeling as you hear the mentors you picked pick other people and you're counting down thinking, "Okay, four more...Three more...Two..." By the 4th mentor, I'd pretty much lost hope because they had moved onto the mentors who were looking for YA OR NA, but now I guess I'm in that phase of total depression before I pick up my things and keep moving. The least I can hope for is that I'll get feedback in 2 to 4 weeks.

I said it was first but not first-first because by 9am Tuesday, I knew that I no longer wanted to Tuesday. I'm in a job that doesn't challenge me and that I don't want to do anymore, but I'm either over- or under- qualified for every other job out there right now, so I'm basically just sitting at my desk feeling so ADHD that I don't know what to do anymore. I'm also an insomniac, but it only seems to be on weekdays (probably because I hate my job), and by 10am, I'm ready to go to sleep and just don't want to be bothered. That certainly doesn't help.

There was a familial issue that happened actually just before the Pitch Wars video went up that upset me, too, and while I was straining to hear the first 30 minutes of the video because of noisy family members (not related to the aforementioned familial issue), I was kind of hoping just a little bit, that I would be picked. And I slightly blame myself because I said I wasn't doing anymore contests, and I probably shouldn't have because I'm not emotionally built for them in any capacity.

So anyway, here's to a good day.

Friday Hops! The Interweb & Year-End Goal

Happy Friday, friends. :)

The countdown is ON! The Mentor/Mentee reveal for Pitch Wars is in 6 days, and I'm so anxious! The Twitter feed has been the solace for both sides of the fence since before the submission window opened, and the hints and non-hints have been killing at least me! Pray for me!

This week, the ladies at Cover Girls would like to know the 5 Websites/Blogs we visit the most!

1. Google

2. Twitter

3. Facebook

4. Blogger

5. Miniclip.com

The same ladies host Express Yourself Weekly, and they would like

to know what ONE thing we would like to do before the year is up!

You know, I've been single since 2006...It would be really nice to meet someone this year...Preferably someone with red hair, but at this point...lol. Not really getting any younger, although apparently the 30s are the new 20s, and I can get down with that.

Have a great weekend!

I'm Brainstorming Some Things

I know I said I'd be taking a break in July, too, but this is the only place where I can get my thoughts out in more than 150 words, so I thought I'd drop by to think.

My Blog:
I want to revamp my blog topics. My current schedule is:
Tuesdays (blog hop)
Wednesdays (what I'm reading/IWSG)
Fridays (blog hop/potpurri).

I might condense it to:
Tuesdays (what I'm reading/something writing related)
First Wednesdays (IWSG)
Fridays (blog hops/something writing related)

So then I'd only be writing twice a week and thrice on that first week, and having more content on less days might keep my mind open to my writing.

My Pen Name:
So, I have this issue where after a certain amount of time, I want a new e-mail address. I never thought that I would be looking at my pen name and thinking, "Do I still like this name?" Especially after all the brainstorming I went through just to get to this name!

Maybe, I'll use different pen names for different genres. Speculative, this name. Contemporary, maybe my own name. I hate my name, though. It's so boring. I'd use my mom's maiden name if she hadn't "not" named me after my aunt. I'd rather not add to the confusion. For poetry, I almost committed myself to S.B. Hawkins (a lady at church calls me Songbird, and I love that), but something in my head said, "Isn't there a Sophie B. Hawkins?" There is, and why do I know that? (Googling, Googling...Oh, right. "As I Lay Me Down").

My Unofficial Sequel & My one Beta:
My little sister has been my one steady beta reader since like 1994. I couldn't get her to read my Fantasy, but she made a deal to read my unofficial sequel to Octavia Butler's Fledgling, which I named Birthright. Honestly, I thought she had forgotten to read it, and I was losing faith, but out of the blue this weekend while we were sitting on the couch at 1 a.m, she said, "So, I have questions about Ruby [the original name for it]." I was bursting with glee that she had actually begun reading it. She's halfway through (it's a novella, only 100 pages), but she noted some good things that I need to fix, one of which being (and as someone who reads sequels sometimes before I read the first book, it's very important) that I have to consider the fact that the reader may not have read Fledgling, so things I left out that I knew because they were explained in Fledgling, I have to explain in Birthright.

I'm just glad she started reading it. Now, I'll have to go through and flesh it out more so I can start the process of finding out from whom to get permission to actually publish it.


So that's it. See you later!

Friday Freeday

Friday Feels:

1. So, I can't even cross my arms today. I feel so exposed lol Yesterday was our Employee Recognition, and I played five games of volleyball. I knew the risks by my first dive to the ground. They should start a volleyball league at work, though. I had so much fun.

2. Time has a "What would your name be today" quiz. Deborah was the 182nd most popular name in 1984 (does it even count as popular then?). Today's 182nd most popular name is Michelle. Yeesh. I'm so not a Michelle. No offense, Michelles.

3. When I tried to Swype Deborah, it gave me Debussy first. I am now in love with this name and will name a boy this.

4. Still contemplating naming a girl Deborah and calling her Rory.

5. Wawa's idea of a bacon omelette is making the omelette and then putting the bacon on top. They're whack, but it was still bomb. Even when they're wrong, they're right.

Thursday Thoughts: Express Yourself Weekly

Hello again!

I am doing another Thursday Thoughts to catch up on the Express Yourself bloghop that is back in action! Visit the creators, Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books to see their answers, join the hop, and visit others who participate.

Last week, the ladies said: Tell us about something you haven't tried yet, but would like to.

I have yet to skinny dip. I'd like to. lol

This week, they said: We are 1/3 of the way through the year. Name something you have achieved thus far.

Well, I was published. So there's that. *dances* I will be mentioning that until my next publication happens. lol I also started querying again after a long bout of doubt and revisions. I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for me. :)

Friday Freeday Rant

So, I need to get motivated to DO. That's it. Just do.

There was a time when I would be constantly reading, constantly writing. A part of me is wondering am I supposed to be doing something else? Or am I subconsciously depressed or losing hope? I've been at writing for over 20 years now, and I know I had goals for myself and that sometimes those aren't what meant to be, but yeesh.

And am I scared of rejection on my fantasy novel which I'm 99.999% sure is finally polished enough to throw out there? I mean, I've already put it out there to two of my choices. I'm definitely kind of scared to do contests again. Even though I didn't realize how unfinished my story was when I entered before, I'm not sure I want to enter it again. It's too much on my psyche, and I'm not one who will ever grow that fabled thick skin I keep hearing about.

No one at home asks about my writing anymore. They were really excited about my short story publication, but other than that, nothing. They've all got their own things happening, and I feel like I'm getting left behind. My older sister keeps getting jobs she wants. My little sister was promoted like 8 times in the span of a year. I'm just here floating, bored to death in a part-time job that barely pays the bills, looking for less boring jobs that will pay my bills twice over, but hoping this won't always be my life.

Okay, so maybe I'm consciously depressed and losing hope, which is whack because last year, I was toting and chanting that 2015 was going to be my year. It's not even the middle of the year yet, and I've lost that zeal. I thought this was supposed to happen during the winter seasons. Blah.

Where's Tony Little to scream, "You can do it?!" in my ear?

Express Yourself Weekly: Changes

Welcome back to Express Yourself Weekly, brought to us by Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books to get to know us all a little better.

This week, they ask us: In the past year, what has been the biggest change for you?

Well, one year and two weeks ago, I finally escape temp work and was hired by the state for this casual/seasonal position. It was a big relief, as I was bored to death and barely making ends meet.

Unfortunately, I'm kind of in the same rut, but things are looking up. I need to be more positive and goal oriented in myself to get things going, and I think I can do it before next year hits.

Express Yourself Weekly: Life Advice

Welcome to Tuesday! Today is the day I answer the Express Yourself question given to us in the bloghop by Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books. You can join anytime you like from either of their pages!

This week, they ask a very good question: If someone asked your for a piece of advice about life, what would you say?

I would simply say, "Follow your instincts and go for it."

There were so many times I look back on and think, "I should've done this." Obviously, it wasn't meant to be if it didn't happen, and I am one of those "What-if" people. If you feel in your heart you're supposed to be doing something, and it eats at you each day that you don't do it, DO IT. No one knows you better than you, so make it happen.

Friday Freeday: Insecurities

First day of Spring, and it's snowing in Delaware.

Good morning! This is actually a bit of an insecurity post, and I needed somewhere to vent, so what better place?

Since I graduated college and didn't get that dream job they kind of tell you're going to get by the end of the 4-or-so years, I've basically done dead-end jobs. Data entry, customer service, clerical stuff, and living in central Delaware, the pay is fairly bad. I thought by now things would get better, but 7 years later, and I'm still working check to check and skipping bills.

It gets kind of depressing, and I've realized I'm stuck in this rut where it's starting to affect my mindset even with my writing. What if I don't get published? What if I've always been living in a dream and am kidding myself? What if I don't have a best seller? Etc. etc.

Things spiral from there, so while I'm trying to make a living, I'd like at LEAST one year where I can just LIVE. It's definitely one of those days where I think on all the different paths I should've taken so that I'm not stuck in this funk, but...can't do that.

So pray for me.

Express Yourself: Your Life's Narrator

Welcome back to Express Yourself! This meme was created by Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books to get to know us all You can join us through either of their blogs.

Last year, Dani & Jackie opened the Express Yourself question query to us members of the hop, and as I was reading the guest questions so far this year, I thought, "Man, why didn't I ask a question?"

Apparently I did. haha It's the question this week, and it is: "Who would narrate your life in a movie?"

I feel like either Aubrey Plaza, who has that lazed, Delawarean disinterested voice I think I have in my head, or one of my icons, Zoe Saldana, who has that great husky, deep voice I think I have in real life but don't would be two great choices for my biopic.

What about you?

Express Yourself: Apocalypse Now?

Happy Tuesday!

Welcome back to Express Yourself, a bloghop created by Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books to share things about ourselves with each other. You can join the fun at either of their pages.

This week, they ask us: What is your favorite kind of apocalyptic scenario (natural disaster, zombie, alien invasion, etc.)?

This is an interesting question for me. Back before I turned 18 (had I known about the show I'm about to mention), I would have said the one where kids were left to rule the world. Being an adult now, that means I, too, would have died, soooo. The Tribe is no longer an ideal apocalyptic scenario for me.

I don't do anybody's zombie, so I suppose natural disaster would be the next best bet for me. I could survive at least a flood, I'd like to think.

Friday Freeday: I'm not here today!

Good morning!

Today, I'm actually over at SC Author's blog for his new blog series about writing inclusively and diversity in books. You can click the link here, or his symbol for the movement on the right side of my blog.

Have a good weekend!

Express Yourself: When I Grow Up

I wanna be famous! I wanna be a star! I wanna be in movies!

Sorry, I love the Pussycat Dolls. Hello! I'm a day behind on life. The temperature when I woke up yesterday was in the mid 40s, and I had my fan on all night, so I got to work with quite a set of backed-up sinuses and went home early to rest. Of course, I do my blogs while I'm at work, so I didn't get to do Express Yourself yesterday.

This week, Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up.

I wanted to be a firefighter. My mom used to love chasing firetrucks to see what big fire they were going to put out (sometimes, she still does it), and they really interested me. Of course, there's nothing glamorous about houses burning down, so I always wanted to be someone to help put them out. Of course, at 5'3 with low upper body strength, I probably wouldn't make the volunteer squad now, so...yeah.

Friday Freeday: DO OVER!

So, I need another Friday, like right now.

So, I set my alarm for 7:15 so I'd get in time to catch the bus for my dentist appointment. 7:45 rolls around, and I wake up realizing I'm supposed to not still be in bed. I neither heard my alarm, nor my calendar go off to tell me about the appointment.

Thus, I had to walk to the appointment. Fortunately, it's only about mile northeast of my development, but I was in no mood to walk.

Then, of course, I hate getting my teeth cleaned. I feel like they use that hook to scrape away a tiny fraction of my gums. AND I have to go back to get another filling. *sobs in my head*

After that, I walked to the 7-Eleven catercorner from the office, buy breakfast and fruit for lunch, then proceed to wait for the bus...which stopped running about half an hour before! SO I then had to walk the next mile to work! And some idiot yelled "Hey, Baby!" at me, then "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" When I didn't answer the first, second, third, or fourth time. Like, get. a. clue.

And because I didn't really sleep well, I'm extremely sleepy.

Can't I just wiggle my nose, or call on Jeannie to start this day over? I don't want to live today. Maybe tomorrow. Not today.

Friday Freeday: Poetry Time

(Pretty personal when you get right down to it, but inspiration is inspiration.)

I Want...

You know what I want?
I want to feel love
Not "feel loved" or "make love"
I want to feel LOVE.

There has to be more
Than the ache of empty
The echo of hollow shell
The dark endless hallway

I want that look in the eye
That touch of the hand
The heart, the beat, the song
To end all songs

I want that rhythm
The one that never,
(No matter how hard you want it to)
That never, ever stops

That pulse that syncs
That embrace that doesn't weaken
Where is that hand that
Reaches only for me?

Are you there, God?
It's me, Deborah.
The tree is still standing,
But its branches are crying

I can't always breathe
On my own, by myself
Waiting, waiting, waiting
For whoever has my CO2

Wanting that ache to subside
To be with that perfect fit
To know my better half won't just
"Complete me" but make me twice as great

I don't want to be selfish
But I want to be spoiled
And lavished and understood
In a language only known to one other

I want to be carried away
Without getting carried away
Grounded into the sky and fall
Hopelessly, helplessly, but rationally

I want that love to manifest
So I can reach out, so
It can be felt by my hand, so
The aching can be beaten, defeated, overcome

"To want" means "to lack,"
And frankly, I'm tired of lacking
The most basic of human desires
And that might make me basic

But I want to feel love
My mind is overdosing on wasted
And my heart is drunk on lonely
I want love


(I'm pretty sure this isn't finished, but that's where I stopped.)

IWSG - This is Your Life!

I definitely almost forgot. Happy IWSG Day!

The Insecure Writer's Support Group was created long ago in a galaxy far, far away by a ninja named Alex J. Cavanaugh. hehe Visit his page and group website for the hosts and to visit or join the other group members.

I turn 30 in 17 days! That said, I had many goals and milestones throughout my life so far, so I thought I'd lay them out today so we can all look at them and laugh. lol

At age 5: I decided I wanted to have kids. O.o

At age 7: I wanted to be a firefighter, not in the future, but while I was 7. Go to school in the morning and fight fires by night. (So apparently, I wanted to be a superhero).

Also at age 7: I asked my Mom if I could go to Disney World, and she said "Some day."

At age 8: I wrote my first X-men based picture book. I also decided I wanted to be a writer and illustrator.

At age 9: I wrote my first song. It was about playing out in the field, and it was called "Out in the Field".

At 11: I decided I wanted to write horror. I'd seen Stephen King's It 11 times and was inspired.

At age 13: I had my first life-crisis because I was now a teenager. I also wrote my first contemporary fiction based off of The Outsiders.

At age 14: I started writing Backstreet Boys fan-fiction, some of which I adapted into my first short stories.

At age 17: I sang with my sister at a Talent Show, got rave reception, and decided I wanted to try to be a pop singer.

At age 18: I decided I didn't want to go to college and wanted to pursue singing. I also had the dream that became the then-opening scene to my fantasy WIP.

At age 19: I went to the University of the Arts' Summer Program for illustration, preparing to go to college.

At age 20: I submitted the first pages of my fantasy story to UArts' Writing for Film & TV program and went to college.

At age 24: I graduated from college! lol

As you can see, I didn't become a pop star lol, but I think I am finally ready to query that story. I can't wait to see what the next 30 years will have in store, but for now, I'll keep counting down the next 17 days. :) Also, still haven't been to Disney World. >:(

Express Yourself: Treasured Toys

Happy July!

And welcome back to Express Yourself, brought to us by the dynamic duo Jackie @ Bouquet of Books and Dani @ Entertaining Interests. Join the fun at this link here.

The questions this month are very fitting for me, at least, because in 18 days, I turn 30! So I'm going to milk this month for all it's worth. ;)

This week's question is: Did you have a beloved toy growing up? What was it?

We moved from PA to DE in the middle of my 3rd grade year, and my best friend at the time (Brandy Cloud) bought me a teddy leopard. I still have him, actually.

I named him Remy leLeopard (X-Men was out that year lol), and I gave him a late night talk show called The Remy Show and still remember the theme song.

This is The Remy Show. Waaaaaahhhh!!!

I gave him this voice that sort of sounded like Bullwinkle's with a weird non-French accent (though now that I think about it, I think it was Cajun haha), and I used to make him shrug a lot. He has dents in his shoulders from how many times I did. I accidentally pulled his whiskers out (they came out through his mouth, which was weird). I slept with him every night at least through junior high school, and he now sits on my video game shelf with a slew of other stuffed animals I collected through my teenage years.

Express Yourself: One Word

Welcome back to Express Yourself, created by Dani @ Entertaining Interests and Jackie @ Bouquet of Books to get to know their followers!

This week, they ask us to use ONE word to describe ourselves.

This is going to be harder than I thought...I'm going to say imaginative.

Being an imaginative person has its ups and downs. As a writer, imagination is a good thing. Living in the every day world, however, your mind can wander to all sorts of things, and I'm a person who tends to immediately imagine the worst case scenarios. Not a good thing at all!

Stop by the other Expressors to see what one word they use to describe themselves!

Express Yourself - I Dated A Celebrity

No, I didn't. lol

Good morning.

Welcome back to Express Yourself, hosted by Jackie @ Bouquet of Books and Dani @ Entertaining Interests. They ask their followers a question each week to get to know them better. This week they ask: Have you ever known someone or dated someone who could be a celebrity twin?

Do you remember the Dell commercials with the surfer guy who said, "Dude, you're getting a Dell!"? My first boyfriend looked like him but with brown hair. lol He hated when we told him that.

My second boyfriend, before he put on weight, actually looked like Orlando Bloom, which was very scary. lol

So stop by the ladies' websites to see what others have to say, and if we could make a Look-A-Like Oscars. lol