Friday Freeday: The Darling Massacre

That would make a great title for a book, no?

Last night, I cut a minor chase scene that had been a piece of a dream I had the night I dreamed up the inciting incident of my fantasy WIP The Crystal Bearer. I'm not okay.

Unfortunately, it just didn't fit anymore. I used it to showcase a portion of Ghuli's power, but she does it again later, so I'm half okay with not using it. I need to figure out if I need to show her doing it against her will, though, because she wasn't able to control her powers at this point.

This cut comes during a time where I had also just told a friend, who was adapting a story from an RP in which she and a friend participated, that they're going to think everything is important to the story because of how close they are to it. I introduced them to the inevitable and painful term, "kill your darlings." So of course, I have to take my own advice. But *blubbers in my head* I loved that scene.

On the bright side, I do have another story where it will fit nicely. In my dream, I ended up jumping out of a window to safety (and catching a ride on a white tiger, which was normal for my dreams lol), but in this other story, I needed a character to fall from somewhere somehow, so at least I'll see that scene again.

Friday Freeday

Happy Friday!

It's Payday, and almost half of my check is gone already. Yaaaay. lol

Anyway, I had gone back into my WIP yesterday and wondered if I'd gotten into the right rhythm before the page I was on (60-something), so I went back to the first page. My last Beta said I had an issue with stage direction, and yes, my story so far was riddled with it! It made it very robotic, so going back to the first page was the right thing.

Joan Rivers died yesterday, and it's crazy to think the comedians and actors you grew up watching are now passing away. I watched Robin Williams more and really was hurt by his death. I'd seen Joan a few times on Fashion Police, and she was very funny. E! put out a 3-minute video for her, and it made me like her even more, especially her love for Melissa. I hope both families will cope well.

I also hope they give Joan the funeral she wanted. Did you all read it?? <--- Read it, then come back. lol (Ironically, yesterday was also Beyonce's birthday! lol)

I've always said if I die before 80, sure, go ahead and cry. But if I made it to 80, THROW A PARTY! No one has time for tears if I saw 4 decades! That's an accomplishment! I could've been hit by a train at 7 or flipped many a car forgetting to look in my blind spot. Heck, I went to school in Philly. If I make it to 80, cry at home. At the funeral, though, play my favorite songs, and that Sean Paul song with that terrible singer whine-singing, "I'm still in love with you, boy...So yes, also at my funeral, you need to be doing Jamaican gyrations around the casket...so it can't be at church. lol

This post went left-field.

Y'all have a great weekend, and hug your loved ones!

Friday Freeday: First 250

Halloo!

This is my first week as a 30-year-old. I feel no different. lol Maybe it will kick in 6 months from now.

Last week on a whim, I entered The Crystal Bearer into Miss Snark's First Victim's July Secret Agent Contest. It only involves the first 250 of your manuscript. It had been in my head to incorporate Ghuli's watchmen more in the first 250, and I even thought about starting with them instead of Ghuli. Commentors have liked the fun glimpse of Ghuli so far, but they've confirmed my thoughts and want to see more of the watchmen to know who they are, so I have actually added them into the first 250. I don't know how popular scene cuts are in the first 250, but maybe it's effective?

Here is the old 250:

If things went how Ghuli desired, she would swing through the air in the next few minutes. Otherwise, she would have to explain to her watchmen why breaking her arms and legs was a good use of her time. She sat on a high, steady, blue willow tree branch deep in the forest, tying a cluster of its switches together as the sun heated her skin.

She only had a few minutes left before Cyan found her, so she clutched the ridged bark as she stood, then pressed her long, brown feet down against the branch. She stretched her arms out in front of her, the tied switches dangling just an inch below. Ghuli held her breath, stepped down onto them with her right foot, closed her eyes, and stepped with her left. She fell through the air for two seconds before the switches jerked tight beneath her feet, eliciting screams and laughter from her as she moved through the veil of blue switches. She swung upwards until she stared up at the wraps bound around her feet, the hem of her un-dyed woolen skirt sucked against her shins. Then, she fell back through the same switches, grasping her makeshift swing as it scooped her up in the other direction. Her black curls shielded her eyes and mouth as her body lay suspended in the air for another long second before she swung forward again.

After minutes of swinging, she locked eyes with her First Lieutenant Watchman as she fell forward.
The new 250:

If things went how Ghuli desired, she would swing through the air in the next few minutes. Otherwise, she would have to explain to her watchmen why breaking her arms and legs was a good use of her time. She sat on a high, steady, blue willow tree branch deep in the forest, tying a cluster of its switches together, glancing down at the ground every now and then.

Cyan would find her soon, so she clutched the bark as she stood. Though the ground seemed even farther below her now, she stretched her arms out in front of her, the makeshift swing dangling at her toes. Ghuli stepped onto the swing with one foot, closed her eyes, and stepped with the other. Her breath caught as she fell through the air.

#

“I don’t hear her anymore,” Cyan murmured. He stood at the opening of the Forest of Weeping Willows, staring down the black sand path of the Eastern Road.

His Second Lieutenant, Laris, joined him. “She may have wandered a little.”

“She was supposed to stay on the road,” Cyan said, aggravation creeping into his voice.

“You know the Princess, my brother.”

Cyan huffed and walked into the forest, leaving the road for the western trees. He did know Ghuli all too well. With the Island Continent so far west, Ghuli liked to sit among the trees as the setting sun warmed the forest. He probably would have enjoyed the sunset himself, if Ghuli had obeyed him for once.

IWSG: My Baby is Growing

Happy New Year!!

No, I'm not pregnant. Let's not even sit down to have a support group about THAT insecurity.

This summer, my baby, Save the Queen, will be 11 years old. Hopefully, I can celebrate that with an agent. lol I just remember writing out a dream I had to show my sister, then writing more to get into the Writing for Film/TV program at UArts, and finishing the first draft and the second, and so on. lol

Things changed I never expected to change: some of my characters, scenes are gone, scenes were born, etc. There is flesh to this tiny thing I had only wanted to write out to make sense to someone other than me. I can't wait to see her graduate. :)

This is a pretty short one, but join or visit the other 315 members of this awesome group created by the Ninja Alex J. Cavanaugh!

Looking at my 1st 300 on my 100th Post!

This is my 100th post! How do I have so much to talk about?! I owe many of my posts to Alex J. Cavanaugh-sensei, Jackie at Bouquet of Books, and Dani at Entertaining Interests. Otherwise, I'd probably just be doing this at random and probably forget about it after some time.

I wanted to celebrate by reflecting on my February 20th post about my first 300 words for my WIP.
http://debramckellan.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-first-300.html

Why am I reflecting? Because hardly 4 months later, I revised it! It's crazy what a difference a pair of eyes makes. I had picked up a crit partner and forced my sister to beta read. I have neither at this point (well I have my sister, but she doesn't like fantasy, so I told her she could stop after the Book One), but the insight they gave me was really helpful, and I've been inputting so much more into this story that I feel it is slowing it appropriately and rounding it out significantly.

I've even rearranged the opening to provide a little more voice and the thought process of the princess. My hooker, everyone (haha):

If things went how the Crystalline Princess desired, she would be swinging through the air in the next few minutes. Otherwise, she would have to explain to her watchmen why breaking her arms and legs was a good use of her time.

In my next 100 posts, I hope to be able to say I've written a successful query, at least to an agent who has expressed their love for it, and in the next 100, I hope to say I'm published. It can be done!

Best Week Ever

It's Saturday, and that means it's time for BEST WEEK EVER!! (Please don't sue me, VH1.) With each Saturday, you will get to see whether the title is ecstatic, sarcastic, or a little bit of both.

For my first BWE post, it's a little bit of both.

I almost don't remember Sunday. I had to stop for a second to remember what I did. I woke up about 15 minutes later than I usually do for church on 4th Sunday. The choir I'm in sings at our 8am service, but my sister usually gets up at the time I got up. It only comes around once a month, so I forgot, and we were slightly late to meet everyone. But it was a good service. Then, we went to Kirby & Holloway's, a mom & pop restaurant here that has good food but terrible service, which we got. Sunday, I also decided to schedule my Y and Z posts so I wouldn't have to look at A-to-Z again, so I was free!

Work. Ugh. A very long week. By Wednesday, I felt like it should have been Friday. When I graduated college in 2008, I had only had one interview for an internship which I didn't get, so I came home to data entry. After 2 years of that, then a bad 6 months of online customer service at the same job, I quit and applied at a temp agency. I've been at my current assignment for a year now, and they really like me and give me a lot more work than what I'm contracted for (telephone operator,which takes up probably 30mins of my day). Instead of placing me in a permanent position, however, they tell me to "apply for the jobs on the state site." Now, a job had opened up in one of the buildings where I attend bi-monthly meetings, manage all the paperwork, and also handle dental liaison things. They expected that I would get on the list for an interview, and I'm not sure why, because the hiring manager (who I know now, because I've been there for a year) doesn't choose the interviewees, the state does. So, when I didn't make the list, everyone told me to "just keep applying."

Needless to say, I did two things. 1) When the temp agency asked if everything was okay, I explained the above in a much less bitter way and told her that if they can't create a job out of all of the non-telephone-operator work they have given me to do, then I will need to find another job, since I'm on telephone-operator pay. 2) I renewed my business license! I started an editing business in 2010 (I can't believe that was 3 years ago), but I'm not good at marketing, so I only had one steady customer, and she usually only needs work in the Summer. I'm going to do my best to put in the marketing time because I love to edit, and I want to do a job I love to do. My mom also told my sister and I about friends of friends who started their own business and are now millionaires, and while I don't expect millions, if I can make money doing what I love, I need to try it.

Secondly, I submitted to my first contest in at least a year. Duotrope.com is a great source for submissions to websites and magazines for writers. One of the sites, Hazardous Press, have a topic that I had been working on for a roleplay, and I was able to flesh out a character for it. The publication is for charity, but I also think they pay whoever makes the cut, so wish me luck! It would be my first real published story.

Finally, my mom has gotten me sick. Again. I don't feel as badly as I did two weeks ago because I took 3 packets of Emergen-C (which altogether contains 3000mg of Vitamin C, 30mg of B-6 and 75mg of B-12, well over the daily value), so I'm going to try not to be too mad at this lady who doesn't quarantine herself. I have a Mother's Day photo to take with my sisters and cousins and a concert at a sister church today, so I'm going to keep sucking down Emergen-C and take an anti-histamine.

This is a much longer post that I expected. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

A PSA from AQC (almost): Editing & Critiquing

Now that work has slowed down (because I made it), I can focus on a topic near and dear to my heart: editing and critiquing! This was the topic for the AQC chat last night, but I had Easter play rehearsal, and then my friend wanted my sister and I to come over and watch wrestling (which instead, we talked for 5 hours lol), so I was only able to peek in for a second, then skidaddle for a late and yummy dinner my cousin made.

I believe, though, that the topic was for editing and critiquing the work of others, and how to go about doing it. As I've just acquired my partner from The Matchelor (I'm so excited/anxious/nervous!) at Falling for Fiction, I felt the topic kismet!

Now, why are editing and critiquing so near and dear to my heart? I don't know. (Shoot me, right?) It just happened one day in my Dramatic Structure class, where we had to write, then sit in these tiny groups and read what each other wrote, then discuss the good and the bad. Then, sometimes, EVERYONE had to read it. Workshops still kind of make me cringe, because having more than 3 people read my stuff made me feel extremely naked, and I sometimes run through the house in fear of being seen even when no one's home if I left my towel in my room! But there was something about looking at someone else's work and seeing the little grammatical errors, the continuity, repetition (the rambling *points at self*), and being able to correct it and/or steer the writer in a better direction that made me feel powerful. Can hardly do it to my own work to save my life, but that's what others are for!

Now, a few do's and don'ts that I imagine the AQ-Crew went over last night.

DO: Be honest and specific. "I liked it." "I didn't like it." Those aren't good enough. What didn't you like about it? What did you like the most? What worked in his story? If you hated it, why?

And if you did hate it: DON'T be mean. I'm going to be honest: I'm a blunt person. My friends say I'm mean, and one calls me a jerk. lol Once, after a classmate wrote a short story 15 pages past the allowed limit and past the allowed margins by an entire inch, and the story was terrible, I let my emotions (it made me fairly angry) known in my written critique, and he looked at me sideways for a long time the following day. Don't be that girl. You want people to like you even if you're sort of judging them after what you've read. lol Instead of doing what I did, take it as an opportunity to help the writer better their work. You can be honest without killing someone's dream (I really hope I didn't kill his dreams).

DO: Open up your imagination to where the writer is going. I read a lot of different genres, and last year I decided to pick up my first hard fantasy to read. I was nervous, because I couldn't even finish The Fellowship of the Ring, and the book seemed to be about the same thickness. But I opened my mind to it, and I was plunged into a great world and story that I didn't want to end! (It was The Enduring Flame Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory.) It might be hard to read historical fiction if you love science fiction or steampunk when you like romance, but always try something once. Hey, you might even get inspired (it helped me find my pen name).

And with that, DON'T try to make the writer be you. I didn't mean for this to be anecdote theatre, but I once tried to get my friend to read a young adult flash fiction I wrote, and she sent me a short story she wrote. I lived a sheltered suburban life up and down the Eastern Shore; she grew up in a colorful town an hour from Miami. We had some issues with the way we saw the world. lol I had a rather steamy scene that she wanted even steamier, and the children in her story spoke as though they were horny teenagers. Our environments and life experiences shaped our characters and their circumstances. Since neither of us lived in each other's shoes, when the time came to say what we should change, those experiences and circumstances were the first things we said needed to, and we both said, "No." Again, keep an open mind. We all come from different walks of life, so take that into account.

Also, DON'T be so rigid with the technical stuff. If the writer wanted an English teacher, they would've asked for one. Some typos are accidental; some comma placements are purposeful. I think we all learned the basics, and then we decided the world was our oyster. Perhaps that run-on sentence was supposed to be a run-on. I like to start sentences with And, But, So. It means something different for everyone.

Finally, because I have to leave work soon, DO take into account you are holding someone's baby. They slaved for a long time and struggled with letting the baby-sitter take it away for the weekend. Don't take it for granted. Care for it the way you want yours to be cared for, and build a relationship and friendship with the person, so that you know there will always be someone in your corner when you're above to give up your baby.

:)

A PSA from AQC: Stop Right Now

Thank you very much. I need somebody with a human touch.

Sorry, Spice Girl moment. We didn't have a set topic last night, but one thing we kind of floated around was knowing when to stop and move on to another project.

As writers, we get to a few points in our lives where the current project just isn't working. There seem to be two major points that signify this:

Before the finish-line: 1) You are writing and writing and deleting and deleting, and nothing is coming together for a story you deem publishable. This is the point I reach often. I work on a project. Read it. Gag, then don't look at it for another few months. Sometimes, if another idea sparks that might be better suited, I will go back and try to reconstruct the disaster that was put away.

After the finish-line: 2) You're past the writing, editing, and polishing of your first manuscript, and you're querying...and querying...and querying...and you get requests for partials and fulls...and get rejection after rejection after...well, you get the point. At this point, it is probably best to stop and decide whether something needs to be done to your manuscript, OR, as someone said last night, "Maybe it's not meant to be your FIRST book." There are times where you need to work on something else that will make a solid first impression, and once you've got that under way, go ahead back to your first baby and see if it's ready yet.

Though this is a short entry today, I found the advice of the AQC veterans helpful and insightful. If you haven't joined already, visit www.agentqueryconnect.com to see what it's all about! There are tons of forums and groups waiting for you. ;)

Birthing a Darling??

This week has passed me by, but since it started, I have started (once again) editing my fantasy WIP Save the Queen. The big change this time: adding an opening scene.

I'm almost sure I've talked about this already, and if not, whoa deja vu. Anyway, I was so scared to do it. When it came to editing my original opening sequence, back-to-back chase scenes, I had: 1) changed the beginning by not starting on a literary long-shot of the scenery before zooming in on the impending danger and focusing right on the main character's reaction to the danger; 2) decided that the MC's supporting characters wouldn't leave her hanging through BOTH chase scenes but only one; 3) decided that since it is the job of these particular supporting characters to keep the MC alive, that they should never leave her side in EITHER scene; 4) described these characters in quick bursts and not even show the interior of their home, since it would be (not a spoiler) demolished between these scenes anyway, and elaborate on who they are as people later.

So, almost needless to say, when I received critiques, the question of the year was, "Who are these people we're supposed to care about?"

Since I joined Agent Query's Spec Fic Unit (lol), I've heard the phrase "Kill your darlings" more times than I can count, but I never thought of having to BIRTH one. I'm a very stubborn writer, which I know is bad, and I was set on this vision from when I was 18 years old. No writer wants to move off that first vision. It's their baby. So even though I went through 1-4 up there, the idea of NOT starting with the action kind of made me anxious.

Which is silly. Because if I don't take the time to establish who my charries are and where they live, who will care that their home just got torn to pieces? So I thought about it for a couple of days, posted my thoughts about it on AQC, thought about it for another couple of days, chatted on AQC to procrastinate, and then, I did it! I wrote 500+ words painting a snapshot of the characters I want people to like for the next 100k.

So, I'm proud of myself. (These posts always sound so vain. lol)

In other news, the high school drummer who lives behind us is giving me cause to commit homicide. This will be premeditated. I will plead guilty by way of gradual deterioration of sanity.

Logic

I'm not the most logical person to begin with, so when I started this story way back when (2003, almost 10 years ago, yikes), I wrote what came to me how it came to me. There was no stopping to think, "Does this make sense?"

So, when my sister read the very first draft of the 1st part of the book, she pointed out to me that Ghuli tells Laris she's okay, even though he and Cyan, who are supposed to be watching her, left her, and she almost got killed. My sister was probably appalled, even. haha

(Sidenote that's completely off topic: logic would also dictate that when you put soda into a soda machine, if you put in Mountain Dew, don't leave the little picture that says it's Sprite. Same with the Sprite saying Dr. Pepper. The soda machine guy is a jerk.)

Back to MY troubles with logic, I revised the scene a little so that her watchman come save her from certain death, but even that still didn't make sense, as another critiquer noted: Why'd they leave her in the first place if they're supposed to be watching her?  So my (fingers crossed) last revision, they're with her the entire time and face the certain death alongside her. A good thing about this as well is that readers will get to see who Laris and Cyan are and how they interact with Ghuli right off the bat instead of 3-6 pages later, where I initially had them.

This edit-time around, I will be looking for notes of logic and also reduce "info-dumping" as all the critiquers called it. We don't need to know where everyone came from in the first 10 pages, and at least I know where that information can be slipped in.

Also, readers can't see what I see in my head if I don't describe it clearly, so I have to embrace, if not the most, one of the most annoying notes: "Show, don't tell".

In other news, I have gotten under 108k words now. I had started at about 120k. I think I can get to 107...We'll see.