My photo
Delaware, United States
Deborah Hawkins, penned Debra Renée Byrd, began writing after a blank book project in elementary school and never stopped, fashioning stories based on her favorite TV shows and movies before creating more original works. She studied at the University of the Arts and Florida State University before settling down and graduating from Temple University. She now resides in her hometown of Dover, DE, where she spends most of her time at work or at church. She loves fantasies, superheroes, is a trekkie and a brown coat. She loves television and lives for Final Fantasy video games, having collected most of them. She has read a myriad of authors, and her favorite authors change whenever she finds a new book that changes her life... "When you can't run, you crawl. When you can't crawl...well, you know the rest." -Tracey, Firefly, "The Message"

Search This Blog

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Full Chain of Haiku

So, I posted an excerpt of my haiku I wrote in college in my Poetry tab, but I forgot I had a full chain. lol For your viewing pleasure, here is the full list. I don't know how good they are; I haven't looked at them and will look after I post them. lol (Note: The grey haiku are from the excerpt.)

Chain of Haiku from a Rambling Cancer

Excuse me while my
head explodes and
blows my brains to space

Beware of Cancers
They are
Obsessed with Capricorns

Hey Kerouac!
No one goes out
To find themselves anymore

If you actually

spoke to me I would
instantly orgasm

This is ground control
Your tin can has rusted
Just come on home

makes a blue print
You fit mine

I wake up
to a pretty song
And it's you

I would do every
thing to and for you
Maybe that's the problem

If he could he
would push away
his shadow

Here lies your

hopes and there go
my clothes

His smile and
la petit morte

He's James Dean
sulking in his
over-sized shades

Mr. Brando he is
panting in your
white wife beater

His lips in the dark
Open your eyes
He's not really there

If he keeps on
fucking himself his
babies will be stupid

Let's be friends
Three words
One bullet

is all he can offer
Screw The General

These nails would
make you scream
for days

Anchor me to
insanity while he
slips away

Her heart went Black

Hole when she
couldn't have him

Watch from the
window as the Tenth
House falls

Cradle me
I feel
Your heartbeat

Fourth House rules:
Obsession, Denial
And then we die.

To Jenny:
That thorn in your brain
Has a name

We resort to
lesser beings because
you refuse to love

Silent screams you
cannot hear because
you're far away

Watch the petals
fall from the tree
of the Fourth House

I would call to say
I need you but shouldn't
know your number

You broke the
fourth wall, where
are your burns?

At the top of my lungs
I scream in your face
Say something!

So the truth is
you have no balls
You're not worth it

Avoid the Capricorns
at all cost
Sparks of crazy ignited

I couldn't make
anymore mistakes
if I tried

Watch out for
Cancers, they are

For just one day
why can't I be
a Libra?

I can't shake you
from my head

Pick up the glass
and my fingers
start to bleed

And while our minds
settle for fantasy, hormones
kill for something more

We will get there, Jenny
Scratch up their backs
and everything

Lovers pine for each
other. LOVERS.
You're just a stalker

Aren't you smooth
Sneak inside and stay

With my Cancerian
powers I make you
think of me

Actions speak for
themselves. You're
not speaking to me

This is no movie
No happy ending
You'll die alone.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

God is real

Not a preachy person, and I can count the number of scriptures I know on my hand, I think, but when God talks to me, it is CRAZY, and I have to talk about it.

I feel like I said this in another blog (was it during my nervous breakdown? lol) but when I didn't want to go to school, I went because I was stuck awake in the middle of the night feeling like someone was shaking my soul. That's the best way to describe it. I was shivering like I was cold, but I was hot. And I said, "Okay, God, what do I need to give up?" He said, "Music." "What do you want me to do?" "College." So I went.

I know that's hard for people to understand in this day and age, believing in something so "antiquated", but as someone said a couple weeks ago, God doesn't change, people do.

So, the speaker at our Young Adult service told us to write something that's been on our heart on these pieces of paper, and I'd had dreams of these non-denominational gospel songs for a couple of years now, and I've been really slow on them because of sub-conscious doubts. I'm in a family of singers, and not Jackson-voiced singers (sorry Jacksons), but BIG voices. My mom wanted to be an opera singer but got scared and went into other fields and still regrets it. My older sister is a solid operatic soprano, my younger sister has a whistle register (jealous), and my aunt is known around our city for her voice. So I get told a lot that I have a soft voice, or such a tiny voice that I oftentimes feel like this big.

I imagine myself sometimes having a Beyonce-esque voice, and I was once likened to Whitney, but LET'S BE REAL. lol I'm neither. I'm in a Baptist church with a Presbyterian voice (neither are bad, but I'm just saying I don't have the style of voice required for where I am). I'll belt a song out in the shower, but don't stand me by myself in front of a room of people if I'm not comfortable with the style of song on my throat.

Back to the last paragraph, so the speaker told us to write down these things, and I wrote down that I was going to finish these songs, buy a guitar, finish learning the piano, and minister through song. I got up 20 minutes later to pray with the directors over the Young Adults, because there'd been a disconnect, and halfway through the prayer, the speaker's husband told me, not having seen what I wrote, that I would be singing to thousands and my voice would heal the sick. I almost cried, but I don't like crying in front of people lol. God will speak to you when you least expect it, and when he's confirming things he's already placed in your heart, there's no longer any reason to doubt yourself. I'm going to finish these songs and stay (get) in God's Word and alignments, because I know my purpose, and it's HERE.

I didn't expect to say so much, but hopefully this touches someone.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

My non-writing aspirations

I come from a musical family. We love to write, but we also sing and dance, sometimes act (not as much). I graduated high school with the naive idea that I would move down to Florida to become a pop star. No money, no job, and barely any stage presence really. I gave that up within the year and went to college, thank God.

This year, I decided to set in stone a couple of things:

1) compose Praise & Worship songs. I'm a Baptist and in my church's young adult choir and Praise & Worship team. Unfortunately, my vocal prowess isn't all that cued up to Baptist gospel, and I have a passion for more Presbyterian/Non-Denominational worship music, ie. Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Kari Jobe. I've written a few songs so far, and I plan to have a guitar by Christmas so I can compose and record.

2) audition for Cirque du Soleil. I loved watching the shows on tv, and when I went into a Summer Program before my Freshman year of college, I got to go see Alegria. My glasses broke that very day, and sitting in row R meant the performers were ants, but the chills I got when the Mezzo singer hit her first bars made me fall in love with the show. I'm currently getting in shape and rehearsing three audition pieces from their job site. I've even gotten my sister to do it with me.

So that's that. lol I don't know what either has in store for me, but I'm two years from 30, and since my other personal goals failed, I'd like to say I did something big with my life when I look back on it.

Meanwhile, I'm still writing and querying, so all of my eggs are spread, and we'll see what hatches.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

What If? Blogfest

So, man, am I a late entry!

I'm almost sure I was following Cassie Mae's blog, but if so, that means I haven't looked at my blogger for a good two months. That also means I just saw there is a contest happening this week! -_-

It is the What If? Blogfest, and the rules are as follows:

Think of your favorite "well known" fairytale and ask "What If…!"

Then, pick one of these four categories:
· Best Plot Twist
· Best Love Story
· Best Tragedy
· Best Comic Relief
Finally, write a scene(s) illustrating a new detail of the fabled fairytale that changes our perspective. 300 words MAX.

I love a good tragedy, so I decided to go for Team Tragedy!

Hopefully I have time to go read some of the other bloggers' entries, because LG Keltner's was really good! I started following LG from the last blogfest I followed. :D

And here is my entry!

 Thus With A Kiss...

This wasn’t happening.

The kind old lady had told him exactly what to do to wake Snow: find her, confess your love for her, then kiss her. Well, he had found her, told her he loved her, and kissed her, so why was she still asleep? Why wasn’t she stirring?

Charming’s stomach cramped, as though his breakfast had been sour and he hadn’t noticed. The air chilled his suddenly hot skin and made his head swim. The dwarves watching and waiting for their fair maiden to awaken all looked at him. They dried their eyes long enough to realize something was terribly wrong.

Snow had been asleep for weeks. The poison should have worn off by now, right? It couldn’t have still been on her lips. It just wasn’t possible.

Still, Charming’s next steps were his last. His legs grew numb and buckled beneath him. His head hit the mossy ground with a soft smack, and he looked at the frosted leaves above him, the white-gray sky, the dwarves’ faces once they ran to his side. Doc raced away to get his bag, and Happy started to cry all over again.

As his breath quickened and his heart slowed, Charming whispered, “Snow.”

His eyes closed, and just before he died, he thought he heard her sweet voice say, “Charming?”

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Next Project: Ruby, a tribute sequel

I just noticed aspiration has a lot of different meanings.

Anyhow, I now have a critique partner and a beta reader for Save the Queen, and while I hope there aren't too many more changes I need to make on it, I'm glad to get some new eyes on this one. I was 19 when I started writing it, so finishing it at 26, of course I had a lot of growth, and after 2 years editing and revising, it's not a TOTALLY different story, but I do think it's better than when I started it. Hopefully, I can get some more beta readers, but Facebook only got me one loyal friend, whose been reading my stuff since we were in the 4th grade. I'll have to look at AQC to see where else to get readers.

And now that I'm "done" with it for now, I started working on a tribute sequel for Octavia Butler's Fledgling. It was her last published novel before she died, and I loved it. It's about a little girl who wakes up burned and skull-fractured in a bunch of ruins, basically, and when she heals and gets out into the world, she learns she's a 53-year-old vampire named Shori. She's not really a vampire, but her race was the cause of all the folklore, and she has to find out what happened to her and her family because she permanently lost her memory. I've seen mixed reviews: most people (the ones with sense *wink*) loved it. A few were extremely uncomfortable with it, and a few others were turned off by the court hearing the book turns into for the last third of the story. I personally loved everything about the book. It has action, mystery, sex (yeeaah haha); it made me happy, sad, angry. A good book takes you there, and for me, Octavia Butler usually succeeded in that anyhow.

So the sequel I started actually was derived from a series of vampire roleplays I used to do online with some friends. I played two characters, a cannibal/wendigo named Rubix and a 300-year-old vampire named Finlay "Falon" Moynahan (he was very Irish). I had begun writing stories for them and some of the other vampires that one of the guys said I could use that he created, and I'd even wrote a long backstory sequence for Falon and some shorter stories, but I knew they weren't going to see the light of day. I'm not even sure how the idea came to me to write them as Ina (the race in Fledgling), since I read the book either last year or the year before, but it was on my mind the last few months that it was a good place to put them. So, I read the book again, took notes as I did, compiled them, and started writing the story circling Shori's birth daughter Ruby as she prepares to (looking for a good word) spawn (ew) the next generation of dark-skinned Ina.

Shori isn't old enough to mate but is already bound to her mates when we are introduced to her, so I am working from scratch on those aspects, which is kind of cool, I think. I also want to use some of the Ina language, which means, of course, creating it, but I think I can do it. Butler described the alphabet, so at least I have something to work with.

I will keep working on it and see how it turns out. It's a really important piece to me, because of how memorable Fledgling is, and to keep the memory of some of my favorite roleplay characters alive.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Magic Mike

Yes, I saw it. What of it?!

No, seriously, my sister took me to see Magic Mike for my birthday. First off, I must say, it's not JUST a movie about strippers. I promise.

Magic Mike is a young and popular stripper who has, if I counted correctly, two or three other day jobs, and he is using all of these jobs to establish his own unique furniture business. No one will give him a chance, though, because all of his day (and night) jobs pay in cash, and he has no credit. I don't understand that about businesses. He had $1500 in cash on the table before the woman, and she called him struggling or something else insulting because he had no credit. The money is RIGHT THERE!

Anyway, at his job with his dad, he takes under his wing this kind of shady kid and brings him on to the stripper scene as payback for him driving him home. The kid lives with his sister who's really uptight and worries a lot because he had a troublesome past. Mike promises her he'll look after him. So we get to see how this ragtag (and I mean ragtag. Kevin Nash is in this, for goodness sake) group of strippers works from night to night, their struggles and their victories.

To wrap up this weak review, the movie starts on a high of "This is the life, we get money, chicks, we're sexy!" to "Do you really want to be doing this the rest of your life?" It's a deeper movie than it seems.

Upside to this movie: Watching Channing Tatum dance. It's, well, magical.

Downside to this movie: the 1,001 F-bombs. The dialogue was really natural, but I could've stood for 500 less F words.