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I'm Deborah. I'm a writer, currently seeking representation/publication for my YA Fantasy Fractured Princess

I love to play Final Fantasy games and Shattered Pixel Dungeon. I also enjoy the many ins and outs of music (I'm a chorus geek).

Sunday, August 26, 2012

God is real

Not a preachy person, and I can count the number of scriptures I know on my hand, I think, but when God talks to me, it is CRAZY, and I have to talk about it.

I feel like I said this in another blog (was it during my nervous breakdown? lol) but when I didn't want to go to school, I went because I was stuck awake in the middle of the night feeling like someone was shaking my soul. That's the best way to describe it. I was shivering like I was cold, but I was hot. And I said, "Okay, God, what do I need to give up?" He said, "Music." "What do you want me to do?" "College." So I went.

I know that's hard for people to understand in this day and age, believing in something so "antiquated", but as someone said a couple weeks ago, God doesn't change, people do.

So, the speaker at our Young Adult service told us to write something that's been on our heart on these pieces of paper, and I'd had dreams of these non-denominational gospel songs for a couple of years now, and I've been really slow on them because of sub-conscious doubts. I'm in a family of singers, and not Jackson-voiced singers (sorry Jacksons), but BIG voices. My mom wanted to be an opera singer but got scared and went into other fields and still regrets it. My older sister is a solid operatic soprano, my younger sister has a whistle register (jealous), and my aunt is known around our city for her voice. So I get told a lot that I have a soft voice, or such a tiny voice that I oftentimes feel like this big.

I imagine myself sometimes having a Beyonce-esque voice, and I was once likened to Whitney, but LET'S BE REAL. lol I'm neither. I'm in a Baptist church with a Presbyterian voice (neither are bad, but I'm just saying I don't have the style of voice required for where I am). I'll belt a song out in the shower, but don't stand me by myself in front of a room of people if I'm not comfortable with the style of song on my throat.

Back to the last paragraph, so the speaker told us to write down these things, and I wrote down that I was going to finish these songs, buy a guitar, finish learning the piano, and minister through song. I got up 20 minutes later to pray with the directors over the Young Adults, because there'd been a disconnect, and halfway through the prayer, the speaker's husband told me, not having seen what I wrote, that I would be singing to thousands and my voice would heal the sick. I almost cried, but I don't like crying in front of people lol. God will speak to you when you least expect it, and when he's confirming things he's already placed in your heart, there's no longer any reason to doubt yourself. I'm going to finish these songs and stay (get) in God's Word and alignments, because I know my purpose, and it's HERE.

I didn't expect to say so much, but hopefully this touches someone.

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