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Hello,

I'm Deborah. I'm a writer, currently seeking representation/publication for my YA Fantasy Fractured Princess

I love to play Final Fantasy games and Shattered Pixel Dungeon. I also enjoy the many ins and outs of music (I'm a chorus geek).

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

IWSG: Sinking

Welcome to another Insecure Writers Support Group Meeting!

I'd apologize for bringing the mood down, but do I need to in this circle? Not sure. But anyway, I believe I'm starting to fall into depression, which 1) is hard to say and 2) I wouldn't tell my family, who think I'm a hypochondriac. Over the weekend (and another time last week) my sister told me that our niece and our cousin both said that I'm no fun. That really upset me (and confused me because it's not like both go out partying with my little sister or something).

On one end, I don't go out unless it's with my family or choir members, I don't do wild, spontaneous things like get pierced or dye my hair (in fact, the only thing I've really done with my hair is chop it off every few years, and that's not happening again), and I'm shy around guys, even though I'm almost 30. Something my sister also pointed out: I either act really old or really young and need to find my age.

But maybe they also see that I'm not happy. I'm not ANYwhere I thought I would be at 29, not with my career, personal life, living arrangement, NONE of them. I'm still living at home (even though it's with my sister and other cousin, but I've been there 14 years) with a terrible temp job with terrible benefits where I can't even afford medical, unable to get a real job because I'm over-qualified for most of the ones in town, and you have to be a fricking magician to get a state job, and still fricking revising this story I started ten years ago that I had hoped would be done and published by now.

I'm sleepy every day; even when I get to sleep at a decent hour, I wake up in the middle of the night. Loan companies are hounding my cell, e-mail, AND somehow got a hold of my job placement's number (not even my personal line or the temp agency's number). I don't want to be at this job anymore but really have no choice, and I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep away my life.

So, that's where I am at this moment.

9 comments:

  1. Hello, Debra, nice to meet you. You are stressed beyond the limits. My heart goes out to you. Have you seen a doctor lately? You might have a simple imbalance that's causing your problems to excel. Take lot's of deep breaths and relax...

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  2. Hey, I'm sorry you are going through tough times. I like this guy called Shawn Achor. He writes a bunch of stuff about cultivating happiness. REALLY helpful. Don't go it alone. Find someone to talk to. BTW, you have a great writing voice. Keep at it.

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  3. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I know how difficult depression can be. I'm sending many good thoughts your way. Take care.

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  4. Life gets to all of us sometimes. It has no favorites. The best advice I can give is to start walking. Walk to the end of the block the first day. Walk further every day after. Make exercise a routine. It really helps. Breath in the air. Plug in some tunes that really get you bouncing. Keep after this thing called Happy. It's there waiting for you. You just need to keep looking for it.

    I care. All of us do.

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  5. Depression is the worst. (As I personally know...sigh.) I am so, so sorry that you're dealing with this right now. I really hope something starts going your way soon, or--at the very least--that this depression stops weighing you down so much!

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  6. CD's advice is good. If you're depressed, you need to let someone know. You just let us know - now tell someone who can really help you.
    I will be praying you find your peace.

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  7. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

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  8. Hi, Debra,
    Sounds like you have a lot going on. Not much I can say except the fact that I'm facing some situations that I didn't think I'd be facing now and I'm in my forties.

    Sending positive thoughts your way and hoping you'll find a way out of the challenges you're now facing.

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  9. Hi Debra.
    Sounds like you are extremely stressed out. You should seek professional advice or speak to somebody you feel comfortable with. Remember, a problem shared is a problem half solved.
    Thank you for stopping by my blog on IWSG day.
    Take care of yourself.

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