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I'm Deborah. I'm a writer, currently seeking representation/publication for my YA Fantasy Fractured Princess

I love to play Final Fantasy games and Shattered Pixel Dungeon. I also enjoy the many ins and outs of music (I'm a chorus geek).

Monday, May 14, 2012


I'm not the most logical person to begin with, so when I started this story way back when (2003, almost 10 years ago, yikes), I wrote what came to me how it came to me. There was no stopping to think, "Does this make sense?"

So, when my sister read the very first draft of the 1st part of the book, she pointed out to me that Ghuli tells Laris she's okay, even though he and Cyan, who are supposed to be watching her, left her, and she almost got killed. My sister was probably appalled, even. haha

(Sidenote that's completely off topic: logic would also dictate that when you put soda into a soda machine, if you put in Mountain Dew, don't leave the little picture that says it's Sprite. Same with the Sprite saying Dr. Pepper. The soda machine guy is a jerk.)

Back to MY troubles with logic, I revised the scene a little so that her watchman come save her from certain death, but even that still didn't make sense, as another critiquer noted: Why'd they leave her in the first place if they're supposed to be watching her?  So my (fingers crossed) last revision, they're with her the entire time and face the certain death alongside her. A good thing about this as well is that readers will get to see who Laris and Cyan are and how they interact with Ghuli right off the bat instead of 3-6 pages later, where I initially had them.

This edit-time around, I will be looking for notes of logic and also reduce "info-dumping" as all the critiquers called it. We don't need to know where everyone came from in the first 10 pages, and at least I know where that information can be slipped in.

Also, readers can't see what I see in my head if I don't describe it clearly, so I have to embrace, if not the most, one of the most annoying notes: "Show, don't tell".

In other news, I have gotten under 108k words now. I had started at about 120k. I think I can get to 107...We'll see.

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