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Oh no. What if I don't get published? Like, EVER? I've been writing since I was 7 years old. It's all I know how to do! Why didn't my mom encourage me to take up ASL or Ballet? She knew I loved them! Why didn't I major in Voice instead of English? No one understands that an English degree doesn't mean I want to be a teacher! Why do they make that correlation?! I wanted to Write for Film and Television! I should've stayed at UArts, but I couldn't be away from my sister for ONE YEAR. She only stayed at FSU for one year, and I was left alone in God-awful Tallahassee for 3 semesters! I got to meet Robert Olen Butler, though. That was awesome. I should've stayed one more semester. I would've been in his class, stalking him like a fangirl. And gotten arrested. In Tallahassee. Ugh.
But Temple didn't have a creative writing program at the BA level. I loved Temple, though. I should've looked for a writing group. I bet they had one. I miss Write Club sometimes. FSU had a great program. UArts had a great program. I hated Center City Philly, though. Why can't I make up my mind? I could've made my manuscript into a screenplay SO easily!
But now it's a manuscript, and just when I thought I finished editing it, what am I doing again?? EDITING IT! When will it be finished? I'm clearly not the brightest star in the sky when it comes to my own work! I can edit the Hell out of a friend's stuff, but I can't see the flaws in my own work until I've sent it out with a query I've changed more times than I changed underwear this year, and wow, that one publisher was really enthusiastic about it, but they still turned it down. ACK!
What if it's never published? My mom thinks I took that year off after high school to find myself, and my older sister thought I was playing Final Fantasy for 365 days, and I was, but I was WRITING, too! I wrote, and I wrote, and my laptop crashed, and I started from memory TWICE! That's how strongly I felt about this story 10 years ago. What's up with me now?? Have I split into two separate people? Is a pessimist me trying to bully the dreamer me into reality? I don't like you, pessimist me. Go away.
I'm done.
14 comments:
Wiping the tears out of my eyes and still snorting, okay...composure...Debra, girl! You're hilarious and full of life and energy! Don't let that pessimist takeover! Beat her down!!! You've got this! And no way is that jerk going to get pubbed before you,lol! Keep going and remember, it only takes one second to change your entire life, just one YES!!! I bet it comes soon. :)
What a great post, made me laugh and also nod in recognition at the same time! I hope you can beat that pessimist into submission. Great to meet you through the IWSG! :)
I felt the same way when I was your age. Life never turns out the way we dreamed it would, but somehow it just works and everything fits into place. In my opinion, you are right on track. Just keep believing in yourself.
By the way, I dreamed of going to FSU for it's music program. I got a music degree and No, I don't want to teach either! :)
Brilliant! I love your style and humour :-) Hang on in there!
Hi Debra, I know how you feel! But if you stay true to who you are as a writer and keep focusing on getting better, it will happen. I know that's cliche but it's true! And a good support system won't hurt either. Good luck!
Yeah - go away, pessimist you! If you were able to rewrite it TWICE after losing it, this story is clearly meant to be told. And it's clearly meant to be read, so don't let the editing get you down, just think how even better it's going to be! Also, there are certain things no writer can pick out in her own writing, we're too close to it. And so God gives us crit partners & editors. :)
I'm glad I made you laugh! :D Thanks for the support!
Thank you! XX They did have a good music program. Their band was AWESOME!
Aw, the writer freak-out. I recognize it well, being its best friend and all :)
.....dhole
Aw! You push that pessimist away. Keep working and trying; we'll be here for you the whole way through :)
I echo quite a few of those feelings. Lets keep trying harder and harder.
Those panic attacks do strike out of nowhere some days! It's easy to see the can'ts and isn'ts - much harder to see those cans and wills. But they're there - keep at it!! :) (and no we're all surviving our own attacks too :)
...when this happens to me, I think back to one of my favorite movies, and recite a quote..."Just keep writing, just keep writing..." Oh wait, that was "swimming." Damn forgetful fish ;)
El
Thanks for the support, everyone! :)
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